meghan's musings

It's time for something new

2010-05-29T09:03:00.000-04:00

As much as I've enjoyed using the Blogger service (and will continue to use its reader); I've decided I needed something different. I'm ready for something new.

So I've decided to start two new blogs on WordPress: Meghan Reviews Books and Meghan Muses. These blogs will take the place of the blogs I had on Blogger. I already deleted my review blog from here since I didn't have any comments or followers, but I will leave this blog up for a little while until I've decided what to do with all my old posts.

I hope you enjoy the new blogs and look forward to your comments there!

Am I contributing enough?

2010-05-18T16:24:00.000-04:00

10% of people contribute to 90% of online content.

OK, that stat may not be exact, but the point is made. Basically what it boils down to is: while there are many people who ACCESS the content on the Internet, it is only a few who actually create this content. Scary thought, at least to me. There is a crapload of stuff online now and if it's only coming from a small percent of the people out there, what are the rest of us doing?

I tweet. I use Facebook. I blog. I comment in forums. But are those the main ways I use the Internet? NO. I use the Internet to obtain information by browsing, searching, reading, etc. I rarely interact with the data I find. Sure, I may pass an interesting link on to a friend or family member (for example, check out what I sent my hubby today) or I'll RT an interesting tweet I come across (though I'm doing that less often since it's hard to RT through Twitter's SMS interface), but that's about. The majority of the time, I consume. And I'm betting that's how a lot of people spend their time online.

I don't want to be one of the masses. I don't want to see and not speak. I don't want to pass up the opportunity to comment, to share, to post.

It's a small step, but I'm working on posting a comment on at least one of the blogs I subscribe to each day. And I'm going to make more of an effort with my two blogs. I want MY content to be out there.

What's wrong with musing?

2010-05-11T10:59:00.000-04:00

I came across Marian Schembari's post a while back and the post's title, "Maybe niche isn't everything, but please stop calling your blog a 'musing'", as well as Marian's closing lines of the post "That being said, if I read one more blog with the words “musings”, “ramblings” or “rants” in the header or subtitle I might stab someone in the face. Just a warning." have been nagging at me. I see her point, I do. Certain words are definitely overused in the blogosphere, but I have to disagree with her issue with the word "musing".
The main definition of "musing" in the verb form is: to meditate on; however, I feel the secondary definition is just as applicable today: to comment thoughtfully or ruminate upon.

Isn't that the whole point of a blog, regardless of what the blog's focus is? Granted, not everyone will see my posts as thoughtful comments, but I am ruminating upon something. That's why I, and I believe most other bloggers, write in the first place. Thoughts? (Or better yet: musings?)

I'm sorry, Cindy Adams, but I will not "deal with it"

2010-04-28T11:58:00.000-04:00

There are a few things I want to make very clear here:

I am female.
I have been sexually harassed and sexually assaulted.
Telling me to just "deal with it" is horrible.
Said person who says "deal with it" is a female who claims to have been sexually harassed.
Said person is Cindy Adams.
Cindy Adams should be ashamed of herself.

Now that we have those details out of the way, let's focus on the article which spawned my oncoming rant. My morning news feed from Media Bistro today included this headline: "Cindy Adams: Female Sexual Harassment Victims Should 'Deal With It'". I was shocked; what woman would treat sexual harassment so trivially? However, I have been misled by headlines before, so I quickly read the summary blurb:

"New York Post gossip columnist Cindy Adams used her column Tuesday to tell female victims of sexual harassment to "deal with it" and bemoan the litigious nature of today's women. Adams said that she was touched inappropriately as a young girl and moved on, and advised her fellow females to do the same."

Shocked is not a strong enough word to describe what I felt after reading that. But I felt I should try to gather as much information as possible; after all, I was judging an entire article by a single summary. So I clicked the link provided by Media Bistro and was redirected to the Huffington Post. Now, I normally don't read articles on the Huffington Post; I find them to be slightly exaggerated on occasion, but I was willing to read through this piece to find out more about what Cindy Adams said.

Any thought I may have had about the Huffington Post exaggerating the story was quashed by DIRECT QUOTES from Adams:

"Hey, we've all been there."

"We've each endured some too tight hug or some slob whose hand wandered where it shouldn't. Deal with it. That's what we did in our younger, prettier days. Dealt with it."

"Calling a lawyer to say, 'I'm suing because this guy laid his hands on me'? Oh, please, if that's his only part he laid on you, get some nail extensions and inform Larry Lothario next time you'll rake him like the leaves.
Deal with it."

Really, Cindy? Really?! So even though you were "touched inappropriately" by your doctor when you were 10 and were hit on by an agent when you were 16, you STILL think the best way to handle things is to "deal with it"?

Now, the Huffington Post was only posting bits of Cindy's original article (which you can view here) so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and hoped her comments were taken out of context. I was sadly, sadly mistaken.

Cindy goes into a bit more detail regarding her own sexual harassment experiences but her main point is quite clear (and not at all different than what Media Bistro or the Huffington Post stated) - she wants female harassment victims to "deal with it". Her theory behind this statement seems to be her contempt for a world that is "too litigious". And it's true, there have been extreme cases of people suing people just to sue them; however, I don't think this is the case for harassment suits.

Yes, some may argue that "I was only joking" or "that's not how I meant it" or, my favorite, "she's overreacting", when accused of harassment or even sued. But those statements are just excuses, and that type of behavior should NEVER be excused. Sexual harassment and sexual assault should never be dismissed as a joke and people who exhibit this behavior (male or female) should be punished, even if that means being sued.

I understand Cindy's base point of people suing over trivial matters (at least, this is what I understood as her base point when she refers to the world becoming too litigious); however, I have a hard time reconciling her idea that sexual harassment is trivial. Especially because I have been a victim, and even more so because SHE has been a victim as well.

Telling a young girl, a teen or a woman to just "deal with it" is demoralizing and it demeans her experience. This attitude also makes it harder for her to confide in anyone about her experience, leaving her less likely to receive the help she needs. And saying "just deal with it" without explaining HOW the situation is to be dealt with (I don't consider Adams's advice to scratch the guy with your nails or threaten to make him see medical attention to pee as actual advice) doesn't help matters. What if someone's way of "dealing with it" is to avoid it, letting the wounds fester under the surface until one day it gets to be too much and they lose it, harming themselves or others? Is that "dealing with it"? Or is ignoring the problem and allowing the assaulter to continue with their audacious behavior considered "dealing with it"?

In any case, just "dealing with it" is not a solution to the problem. The only way to combat sexual harassment and sexual assault is to acknowledge the situation, bring the behavior to the attention of those who can help and punish the offender. Saying "deal with it" seems to be code for "get over it"; this attitude in no way helps the victim nor does it help end the cycle of despicable behavior.

I am disgusted with Adams's perspective, especially because she is a victim herself. She claims she "dealt with it" because she didn't tell anyone. She says she never told anyone about the incidents, but she told the whole world in her article. And even though she attempts to downplay the situations, she still "remembers his name". How has she effectively "dealt with it"? I'm horrified anyone, particularly a woman and especially a harassment victim would give out such terrible advice. I hope all women ignore her advice completely.

Is something missing?

2010-04-27T22:17:00.001-04:00

You may have noticed a good chunk of my blog posts are missing. I've been thinking a lot about what I want this blog to be about, and as much as I love my book reviews, I don't think they really had a place in this blog. Soooo I made a BRAND NEW blog to house all my book reviews! Check it out at: http://mheartsrnr.blogspot.com/ - Meghan Hearts Reading and Reviewing. Enjoy :)

aMusing

2009-12-17T13:46:00.002-05:00

I was listening to Christmas music on my way to work this morning (trying to get in the holiday spirit and all) and the song, "My Favorite Things" started to play.

I thought, "hmmm, I never realized this was a Christmas song." Regardless, I sang along as I usually do (obvs I know all the words because the song was in "The Sound of Music") and was getting into the holiday mood more and more.

At the end of the song, DJ 1 asks DJ 2, "Have you ever thought about the words to that song?"

DJ 2: "Um, no, not really. What do you mean?"

DJ 1: "You know. The words are, 'when the dog bites, when the bee stings' blah, blah, 'I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad'?"

DJ 2: "Yeah, those are the words."

DJ 1: "I'm calling bull. No matter what you think about, a dog bite and a bee sting still hurt. A lot."

I was in a MUCH more cheerful mood after listening to that exchange.

I heart random memes

2009-12-15T16:25:00.002-05:00

I am a HUGE fan of memes! Seriously. 1. I like reading what other people's answers are. 2. I enjoy answering the random questions because...sometimes...a lot of the time...I like talking/writing about myself.

So here goes (stolen from here):

1. What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now?
Oil of Olay for me (it's a new vanilla/winter moisturizer one) and Dial for Men for the hubs.
2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
Um, no. 1. I don't eat watermelon. 2. Even if I did, it's DECEMBER.
3. What would you change about your living room?
I would like it much more if it were a bit wider. Then my amazingly comfy overstuffed furniture wouldn't look like it ate the room.
4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dirty. We emptied it right before dinner last night, so dinner dishes are in there.
5. What is in your fridge?
Milk. Juice. Leftovers. Cheese, lots of cheese. A variety of salad dressings and condiments. Water. Beer. Salad.
6. White or wheat bread?
White. I don't care that it's not good for me.
7. What is on top of your refrigerator?
Hmmm, possibly our extra dish drainer.
8. What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Both are blue. One has random blue and green leaves all over it. The other is just blue. I think. I honestly can't remember. I don't use the downstairs shower.
9. How many plants are in your home?
Two. Both are herbs.
10. Is your bed made right now?
Yes. Though possibly off-kilter because I made the bed before I put my contacts in. In the dark.
11. Comet or Soft Scrub?
Soft Scrub. Comet gives me hives.
12. Is your closet organized?
Depends on the closet you're looking in. I think the majority of them are organized. In what order, I couldn't tell you. The hubs puts the stuff in there.
13. Can you describe your flashlight?
Umm, we have like 50. They are shine a light.
14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Rarely drink water at home, but if I do, it's out of a glass. At work, I drink out of my plastic Nalgene bottle.
15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
Oh God no. I dislike iced tea.
16. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
At the moment; yes. It's covered in grill parts. Hubs was putting the new grill (yay!) together and realized one of the main parts has a manufacturing error. The rest of said parts are still strewn about the floor of the garage until we get the new part.
17. Curtains or blinds?
We have both. Blinds are easier. I don't have to worry about stuff matching.
18. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One for me. One for hubby's head. One for hubby to cuddle with. I'm completely serious. I don't like to be touched in my sleep. So he has a body pillow.
19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
Not if I can help it. However, I can't turn off the street light.
20. How often do you vacuum?
Ummmmm occasionally. Monthly, maybe?
21. Standard toothbrush or electric?
Electric.
22. What color is your toothbrush?
White, green and gray.
23. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
Well, I don't have a front porch, so no. But my front stoop has a welcome mat. It says, "Live. Laugh. Love." Though "love" is mostly rubbed out by now.
24. What is in your oven right now?
Nada. Hubs didn't like keeping cookie sheets in there and made me take them out.
25. Is there anything under your bed?
Boxes? I have no idea. I never looked.
26. Chore you hate doing the most?
Cooking. I have a serious aversion to cooking. Mainly because I'm hungry the whole freaking time and I'm an impatient person.
27. What retro items are in your home?
Um, not sure what would be defined as "retro". I have a bunch of hand-me-downs from all sets of parents.
28. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
Yes. Though I eventually hope to use it as a nursery.
29. How many mirrors are in your home?
6ish? I'm counting bathroom mirrors and the like.
30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?
Not to my knowledge. Apparently, it's hidden quite well.
31. What color are your walls?
Depends on the room. Office is sage. Master bedroom is spa blue. Downstairs is a butterish color.
32. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
If you count my super amazing sharp Japanese knives, then yes.
33. What does your home smell like right now?
Hopefully it doesn't. Unless the hubs is cooking already. Then it smells like chili.
34. Favorite candle scent?
Cotton.
35. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
I don't think we have pickles. I don't eat them. The hubs definitely finished his last jar. Don't know if he got another.
36. What color is your favorite Bible?
I didn't know I could have a FAVORITE Bible. And seeing as the only Bible I owned outright (I shared the children's version with my sisters) was stolen when I was in high school, I would say none.
37. Ever been on your roof?
Nope. Nor do I intend to.
38. Do you own a stereo?
We currently have 3 stereos in our house. None of which were owned by me.
39. How many TVs do you have?
2.
40. How many house phones?
1. But it doesn't work. The previous owners left it for us. We don't have a landline.
41. Do you have a housekeeper?
HAHAHAHAHA, I AM the housekeeper.
42. What style do you decorate in?
I decorate?
43. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Solid for furniture. Prints for EVERYTHING else.
44. Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Multiple. It was a requirement for our mortgage.
45. In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
Hubs. But assuming he could take care of himself, I would probably grab my purse (it contains my wallet and cell phone; things I would probably need in case of fire).

Fun Book Meme

2009-12-15T12:37:00.003-05:00

I've been obsessively reading Stephanie Snowe's blog since I finished reading her book and I stumbled across this meme and it seemed to fun to pass up:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

The sentence is:

"I am the less surprised at what has happened," replied Sir William, "for her superior mastery of the deadly arts and high breeding are known throughout the courts of Europe."

That's right; I'm about to start "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" which my sister has so kindly lent to me (I'm just a little bit obsessed with "Pride and Prejudice". OK, a lot a bit.) I am so beyond excited to start reading it!!

A musing on the past year

2009-12-14T12:39:00.012-05:00

I honestly don't know where the year went; I feel like I blinked and it was December. It's odd, especially since I think the days move rather slowly but it seems the weeks and months move at the speed of light.

Seeing as everyone I know has begun making their New Year's plans, I feel I should join the fun, but in reverse :) And, I just so happened to find a wonderful post (thank you Stephanie Snowe!) that helped me reflect on the past year (granted, Stephanie's post was from 3 years ago, but the questions still apply):

2009 - A year in review

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
I think this year had a lot of firsts for me. I bought a house. I hit the quarter of a century mark. I celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary. I'd like to note that ALL of those events happened in the course of a week and a half.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? In all honesty, I have absolutely no idea what my New Year's resolutions were for 2009. Sooo...sure, I kept them. :) I don't think I will make "resolutions" next year (seems too rigid) so I'm going to give them up a la Gretchen Rubin.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! My sister-in-law gave birth to nephew number 2. And a good chunk of friends/acquaintances/people I stalk on Facebook gave birth as well.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, not this year.

5. What countries did you visit?
Haha, it's rare that I visit another state, let alone a whole 'nother country! I kept to the good ol' US of A this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Between you, me and the blogger universe: a baby. The hubs and I are excited to start a family, but we've living with the rule -"when it happens, it happens". It hasn't happened yet (obvs). But I'd like it to happen soon :)

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?November 6 - the day my hubby and I bought our first house!

November 11 - my bday. I turned 25 this year. I feel ridiculously grown up and slightly terrified about it.

November 15 - our first wedding anniversary. We spent the morning at our nephew's Baptism (so glad we were able to be a part of that day!), then working on the house (I ripped up carpet on my anniversary. My gift to my hubby.), ate Olive Garden take-out (and I LOVE me some OG), traded "gifts" (the hubs collected a bunch of cards I had given him through the years and gave them back to me inside of new cards he got telling me how much he loved me; I made him special prints from our wedding), ate our cake (yes, it still tasted like cake. The icing...not so much.), drank our namesake wine (there's a vineyard in CA with our last name. Apparently I do NOT like Orange Muscat.) and re-lived some of our favorite moments from the year.

Note - I had a REALLY good November.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Other than buying a house? :) Seriously though, it took over a year and looking at over 150 houses to find the one that was best for us, so that is a huge achievement for me.

But if I'm being complete honest, I'd have to say finding a job I love. In December 2008, I lost my job. It was my first job post-college and it was a pretty big blow to be unemployed. I freaked out. Completely, utterly freaked out. I'm absolutely terrified of being poor and I hated the fact that I had to rely on my husband's income for support (only because I didn't choose the situation; had we discussed and agreed for me to leave my job, I think this would be a completely different story).

I also spazzed because it was the beginning of the recession. No one was hiring and everyone was firing. I don't know how many resumes I sent out, how many job fairs I attended, how many "networking" events I mechanically went through...it was a hard few months. And I know I'm lucky; many more people have been out of work longer and are still looking. But at the time, I was focused on how awful it was for me. I interview well, thankfully, but I had worked from home for over a year - I wasn't sure how I fit back into an office.

I applied, interviewed, second interviewed, third interviewed...over and over. Every time it ended with a generic letter along the lines of either a) the company has put a hiring freeze on or b) we've decided to terminate the position. (I am a writer; this is very common in my field - we're always the first to go.)

Finally I decided to try temping; it would at least give me a little bit of income while I got back on my feet. I was called in for an interview with the staffing agency on a Thursday. I interviewed with the company Friday morning, was offered the position Friday afternoon and started Monday morning. I'm still at the company (yay - my position is extending into 2010!) and I LOVE it!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Saving. Granted, the hubs and I had saved a good deal of money to make a downpayment on our house and we're not living paycheck-to-paycheck (thank GOD!) but we'd still like to save a little more. I really REALLY need to work on that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
::sigh:: For those of you who know me...illness is not unfamiliar to me. Thankfully, my Graves disease has been relatively under control (my tests have been in the normal range twice, woot!) this year. And I've only gotten a bad cold once. Twice. Ummm maybe a lot more than that, but I wasn't really out of commission, so I don't count them.

Injury-wise, I still occasionally tweak my back. I know, I know, I should know what I can and can't do. After all, I had a freaking epidural to deal with my sciatica. But sometimes (ok, a lot of times) I overdo it and end up spending quite a lot of time lying on the couch.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My house!!!!!!!!!!! (I know it's a recurring theme, but give me a break. It's my FIRST house EVER. It's a pretty big deal.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband. Seriously. I don't know how he puts up with me sometimes. I can be absolutely ridiculous. And unpredictable. And moody. And judgemental. And snippy or snarky. And I cry over nothing sometimes. And I cry over something. And I get tired a lot so I don't help out as much as I should/want to. And a whole host of other negative attributes, but he loves me anyway. Lots.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Globally - anyone or any group whose main mission in life is to cause harm to others. Not cool.
Nationally - the majority of US celebs. Seriously. People watch you like 24/7. Get your act together. Did you honestly think people wouldn't find out about your cheating/drinking/drug use/stealing/insert-other-vice-here?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Again with the recurring theme, but this is the most honest answer: my house. Seriously.

1. There's a downpayment.
2. There's closing costs.
3. There's moving costs.
4. There's utility costs.
5. There's random costs for crap you didn't even know you needed it until you went to get it and realized you didn't have it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
In case you didn't know, I BOUGHT A HOUSE. Pretty damn exciting.

And the fact that said house now houses my PIANO and a BIG, FLAT SCREEN TV.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Hmm I honestly don't associate a song with a year unless something particularly important happens in said year. I guess "I Cross My Heart" by George Strait would be a good one because it was my bests' and her hubby's wedding song. But I guess the song more reminds me of them instead of the year they got married, so maybe that's not a good one at all.

There were a bunch of good songs that came out this year. One that comes to mind is "Fireflies" by Owl City. I *heart* that song. Or "I Think I'm Falling For You" by Colbie Calliat.

WAIT. I know it. "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. Don't judge me - that song is ridiculously catchy. And you know you dance to it. And know all the words.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?
Happier. I equate "this time" to meaning this relative time of the year. This time last year, I was let go from my job. 2 weeks after coming home from my honeymoon. 2 weeks before Christmas. I was pretty down about that.

b) thinner or fatter?
::sigh:: Fatter. I wish it was the other way around. But a) I don't have a personal trainer anymore, b) I don't go to the gym anymore PERIOD, c) I'm not in dance class two nights a week anymore and d) I work at a job where the bosses are foodies and provide free lunch. I mean, who turns down free lunch? Even if it IS like a million calories.

c) richer or poorer?
At the moment, richer, I guess. Mainly because the mortgage company hasn't cashed my check yet.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spent time with my extended family. As the holidays get closer, I realize this is generally one of two times I see them in a year. That makes me sad.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying and fighting. Both are a huge waste of time and effort. And generally don't end well.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Splitting the time between our families. Opening our presents on Christmas morning in OUR HOUSE. Going to church. Exchanging gifts. Playing with all the kiddies. A lot of fun stuff!

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I love the hubs more and more each day. And I fell in love with my HOUSE. It wasn't my first pick but now that we're in there and making it more our own...I absolutely LOVE it.

22. How many one-night stands?
Um, really? Seriously? How do you throw that kind of question in a meme like this? Not very reflective at all, seeing as it was a ONE TIME thing.

Not that I had any. I'm just assuming that's how a one-night stand works.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I love TV. Seriously LOVE it. Shows I watch regularly: So You Think You Can Dance, Glee, Bones, Hell's Kitchen, Top Gear, The Biggest Loser, CSI, CSI: NY, Law and Order, The Mentalist, Lie to Me, Top Chef...and so on and so forth.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope. I'm working on forgiving the crap I dealt with in the past and moving on. However, I do hate my auto-immune disease more than EVER now. But that's not really a person. It's inside a person. A person called me. And I'm not down with hating me.

25. What was the best book you read?
See my 2009 reading list here. The majority of them were pretty good. I can't pick a favorite because the most recent book I read that I enjoyed becomes my new favorite.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Glee. I'm absolutely serious about that.

27. What did you want and get?
A house. A wonderful first year of marriage. A new job.

28. What did you want and not get?
I want lots of things I don't get to have, but I think that's a good thing. I need to learn to be content with what I have. I don't have a NEED for anything and I'm quite lucky to be in that boat.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I actually looked up the list of movies released this year (mainly because I couldn't remember what movies I saw) and here were the ones I really liked:

Taken
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Star Trek
The Hangover
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Inglorious Basterds
Michael Jackson's This Is It
The Twilight Saga: New Moon

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25. I went to work (where my hubby had flowers delivered since he was away on business) where I discovered it was also my co-worker's birthday. We had lunch at a fabulous Italian restaurant we all like. I had my favorite Mom-made dinner at my Mom's, watched So You Think You Can Dance and Glee. Opened cards, presents and ate cupcakes.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I spent more time reading. Seriously, it's one of my favorite activities. EVER.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Appropriately comfy. I work in IT so I can wear jeans to work every day. But that doesn't mean it would be appropriate for me to wear my yoga pants and a hoodie. (Though two hoodies occasionally make appearances - but one is cashmere and the other is more of a duster.)

33. What kept you sane?
Who says I was/am? :)

Seriously though, dancing (I miss it!!! Those two nights were the highlight of my week!) and hashing things out with my bests and my sister. I'm a talker. I like to talk things out until I feel better about them. The hubs does NOT. Occasionally he'll indulge me. Most of the time, I'll try the girls first.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy in the BBC version of "Pride and Prejudice". I know it didn't come out this year. I know Colin Firth isn't the sexiest man in the world. However, the question said "fancy" so it made me think of it. Also, it's my favorite movie. EVER.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
If ANYONE says they weren't affected by the healthcare reform debates that have been going on; they're lying. Or they live under a rock. Or they're super-wealthy and none of this affects them anyway.

I, on the other hand, am seriously concerned about the changes in healthcare. More specifically; the COST of healthcare rising while the coverage is slowly decreasing.

36. Who did you miss?
All of the wonderful people I met and befriended in Utah. I feel like life was completely different when I was living out there. I miss it and I miss the people.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I can't pick just one :) My co-workers are absolutely awesome (even if sometimes I want to throw something at them...and sometimes did) and make my workday fabulous. I love that I work with all men and I love how informed they all are about random stuff and current events. I feel smarter after listening to a debate in the office. And they're pretty funny. And they give me challenging work which helps me grow.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Pick your battles. Seriously. Sometimes it's just not worth the fight. Best marriage advice I've been given. And it can be applied to EVERY relationship you have.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
So long as I'm maintaining my theme here: "Our house, in the middle of our street..."

Search and do good! (though I still heart Google)

2009-12-01T10:46:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer - Google's products still have my love (am I not writing this on Blogger??). And yes, I still use Google search sometimes too.

BUT...

I always try GoodSearch first!

If you're not familiar with GoodSearch, the slogan says it all: "You Search We Give TM"

The basics:

Go to the GoodSearch homepage (www.goodsearch.com)
Enter the name of your favorite charity in the "Who do you GoodSearch for?" text field
Click "Verify" to confirm the charity is in the GoodSearch database
Enter your query into the "Search" field and click "Search" (NOTE - you can search the web, images, video, yellow pages and shopping)
GoodSearch donates money to your charity!
Bonus - if you do your shopping through GoodSearch, up to 30% of your purchase will go to your charity!

All in all, it's a pretty awesome site that helps you raise money (and awareness) for your favorite charity. You can even track how much money is raised for your charity by clicking on the "amount raised" button beneath the name of your charity on the GoodSearch homepage.

I'd really like to see more people using GoodSearch, so please help spread the word!

And if you're curious, I GoodSearch for Brittany's Hope Foundation. Brittany's Hope is an amazing non-profit I volunteered at while I was in college; the foundation helps place "special needs" children (children with mental or physical disabilities, sibling groups or children who are older than toddler-age) from all over the world with loving families in the United States. (Disclaimer - Brittany's Hope is NOT an adoption agency; however, they work with adoption agencies to help lower the cost of international adoption of special needs children.) For more information about Brittany's Hope, check out this informational page.

What's in a Name?

2009-11-03T12:01:00.002-05:00

Continuing my indulgence today: what does my name mean?

NOTE - I definitely stole the idea for this post from Laurie at high hopes in high heels.

Additional note - I added my responses to the points in square brackets.

"Your first name of Meghan has given you a responsible, expressive, inspirational, and friendly personality. [I mostly agree, but I don't know I would call myself inspirational. If others look to me as an inspiration, I'm flattered.]

Expression comes naturally to you and you are rarely at a loss for words; in fact, you have to put forth effort at times to curb an over-active tongue. [Oh this is certainly true! I'm a bit of a rambler.]

Self-confidence has made it easy for you to meet people and you are well-liked for your spontaneous, happy ways. [This hasn't always been true, but I've worked hard to love myself and improve my self-esteem. Thankfully I'm in a good place now.]

You sincerely like people and do not often experience loneliness; your work and home-life are likely filled with association. [I like people, but not large crowds. I prefer more intimate interactions. And even when I'm not around people, I am very rarely lonely.]

Although the name Meghan creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it frustrates you through a scattered and emotional nature. [YES! Sometimes I'm bitter about being the "responsible" one. OK, a lot of the time.]

This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the liver, bloodstream, and through worry and mental tension. [Does this mean I'm not supposed to have a last name if I want to be happy and healthy? Crap! I've had two last names!]"

Special thanks to Laurie for posting the inspiration for this post. She's a little lady (it's rare that I'm taller than someone close to my age) with a HUGE personality. Her blog is dedicated to her involvement and support of non-profits (she makes me miss working for my favorite non-profit, Brittany's Hope). Check her out at high hopes in high heels.

Guilty Pleasure: Talking About Myself

2009-11-03T09:55:00.002-05:00

How many times were you told: it's rude to talk about yourself, talking about yourself makes you seem selfish, it's impolite to only focus on yourself, and so on? As a woman I was taught to focus on others, listening is better than talking and, though this wasn't so blatant, sometimes people just aren't interested in what you have to say.

I bought into this. And I agree with some of it - God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason - but I have to admit to a guilty pleasure: I enjoy talking about myself. I like being asked questions and giving my answers. I am a fan of reflecting on my experiences with other people and re-hashing my life with new insight. So what if people think I'm narcissistic? Who cares that it's selfish to focus on yourself? TONS of people do it - why do you think blogs are so popular?

I will admit, though, it is MUCH easier (and feels slightly less rude) if I write about myself instead of talking about me. I guess it's because I feel as though a reader has a choice; listeners are stuck while you ramble on, a reader can just move on to something else.

So, inspired by my friend, Dorkabetic, I cave into my craving to talk about me:

1. Do you like bleu cheese? In cheese form, I can only handle it in small doses (it's pretty potent) but I do enjoy a good bit of it in salad dressing form.
2. Have you ever smoked? I tried smoking a cigarette once; not a fan. Cigars I liked but haven't had since college. I'm contemplating acting as if I were a smoker - the smokers in my building are outside almost half the day!
3. Do you own a gun? Not even a water gun - I miss my super-soaker. :(
4. Favorite type of Food? The kind I don't have to make. Seriously. I'm a baker, not a chef. I dislike cooking because I'm always hungry and I hate waiting. When baking, I know the food is meant to be eaten later - so I'm good. Plus I get to eat batter.
5. Favorite type of music? I'm open to all kinds of music, so it's hard for me to pin down a "favorite" type. I'd say my favorite type is the kind with a good beat and catchy tunes.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I try not to think about them, especially when I'm eating them. I do think that the best kind of hot dog is wrapped in bacon and covered in cheese whiz.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Interesting question. I wonder how many "Christmas" movies there are. I know I haven't seen them all. I do enjoy the old-school claymation movies.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? When I'm at work I enjoy my free cup of French Roast coffee (though I do mix it up with Italian Blend occasionally). When I'm at home I prefer skim milk or hot chocolate.
9. Can you do push ups? Apparently I am incapable of correctly doing a "girl" push-up, as I discovered during a wine/beer fueled double date evening with my college roomie and her hubby. However, I am perfectly capable of doing at least one true push-up.
10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding band and engagement ring. I know they're two different pieces, but they symbolize the same sentiment for me. Every time I look down at my hand, I'm reminded of how lucky I am to have such an amazing man for the love of my life.
11. Favorite hobby? Reading. I have rediscovered my love of libraries and to have all those wonderful books available to me...for free...is amazing!
12. Do you have A. D. D.? Let's see, I'm currently going back and forth between 5 tabs in IE, working on a Word doc and wait, what's that?? *clicks away*
13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Both, but not at the same time. :) I prefer to wear contacts; however, due to an eye injury I've been rocking my glasses for a few weeks now. Oh well, at least they're Coach.
14. Middle name? Is it odd I don't have one? I think it's pretty cool, actually.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I think it's cool I don't have a middle name but I totally intend on giving my kids middle names. I want my eye to be better so I can wear contacts again. It's not even 11 and I'm already contemplating lunch.
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Skim milk, water and soda.
17. Current worry? Adjusting my budget once I have to start paying a mortgage instead of rent. Oh and add on property taxes, school taxes, county taxes, borough taxes, water bills, etc. I'm happy to have a permanent home, but I am NOT looking forward to the increase in bills.
18. Current hate right now? I've come to realize "hate" is a strong word and should be reserved for cruel injustices. Though I will admit there are many things I strongly dislike.
19. Favorite place to be? Snuggled up with the hubby on the couch. Or lying on a beach. Maybe I could snuggle with the hubby on a beach? That would be awesome!
20. How did you bring in the new year? LoL, pretty quietly! Hubby and I were at a party with a group of friends and no one's noise maker worked!
21. Someplace you’d like to go? I'd love to go to the spa - I could definitely go for a massage.
22. Name three people who will complete this. Reader 1, reader 2 and reader 3. GO.
23. Do you own slippers? Two pairs: satin white ballet slippers and pink and white knit ones with pom-poms.
24. What color shirt are you wearing? My tank top is light blue with teal stars on it; my sweater is a matching light blue.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope. I prefer sateen. Or really high-count Egyptian cotton.
26. Can you whistle? I can. And I can whistle while sucking air in and blowing air out - that's a talent :)
27. Where are you now? Sitting at my desk.
28. Would you be a pirate? Definitely; however, I feel as though I would not be a worthy pirate -I have no sword or gun training, I have the use of both eyes and legs, and my pirate lingo is sorely lacking.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever song is stuck in my head. I love singing in the shower.
30. Favorite Girl’s Name? I don't know if I have a favorite, but if I have a daughter, I will name her Elizabeth.
31. Favorite boy’s name? Again, I don't know if I have a favorite per se, but my son will most likely be named Xander. Yup, Xander with an X.
32. What is in your pocket right now? All pockets are empty. This is generally how it is with me - I have a purse.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? The debate my two co-workers were having about unions and how much people should be paid for their services. The idea of the one co-worker being a bus driver was cracking me up!
34. What vehicle do you drive? Honda Civic. I miss having a stick shift, but Stella gets me from A to B.
35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Hmmm the most painful injury I've ever had was the messed up disk in my back. That's definitely up there as one of the worst injuries I've had; however, both injuries to my right eye that caused me to lose my sight (temporarily, thank God!) were pretty awful. I like my eyes. I like seeing.
36. Do you love where you live? Nope. We're moving. I love where I'll be living as of the end of the month :)
37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1. We only have a TV in the living room. In our house, we'll probably have one in the living room and one in the sunroom or guest room.
38. How many computers do you have in your house? 3, but only 2 are hooked up and running.
39. If you changed your job, what would it be? I would LOVE to work in a library. Or be a book editor. Or write book reviews. Pretty much anything involving books would be good for me.
40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? Hmmm assuming no trickery would be involved: 1. for enough money to live comfortably with a choice of whether or not to work (yes, I'll admit to the selfishness there); 2. for everyone to live happy, healthy lives; 3. to be surrounded by love every day of my life (again with the selfishness, but they are MY wishes after all).

Thanks to Dorkabetic for posting these questions. Dorkabetic is an amazing person on and offline and even if you don't have diabetes, you will enjoy reading about her life and how she deals with it.

It's surprising how a few words can change the way you feel

2009-09-10T21:21:00.002-04:00

The past few days have been rough for me at work; nothing major going on, I just didn't have many things on my plate. I hate having nothing to do all day because the days seem longer when I have no projects to work on. So I've been making myself available to anyone on the team who could use a little help. One of my co-workers was thrilled with this idea and asked me to work on two projects for him. The first was a quick and easy Visio (for those of you unfamiliar with Visio, it's a Microsoft Office tool that allows you to draw flowcharts and other similar documents) based on some notes he had. Creating Visios based on documentation (and vice versa) is a part of my job, so I had no qualms tackling this particular project.

The second project sounded harder than it was because of mis-communication. I had completed a ton of research on a particular topic, captured all of my notes in a Word document and created a PowerPoint presentation explaining my findings. The goal of the project was to condense a particular section of my research into a one-page document, but this is not how it was originally explained to me. My co-worker has a tendency to start explaining something starting from the middle and working backward then jumping all the way to the end. I was getting confused with what he wanted, so he asked if we could take a few minutes to discuss the project.

What happened next was the most uncomfortable minutes of my day. He proceeded to tell me, in condescending detail, why I needed to learn this skill, how effective this skill is (if I were to ever work in a corporate setting), how even though I wasn't his assistant I would benefit greatly from learning this from him, etc. I still felt he was beating around the bush, so I explained that I understood his points; however, what he was actually asking me to do was still unclear. I stated what I thought was the goal of the project and asked for his verification. He confirmed my original thoughts of the project was correct.

Even though I now knew what I was doing, I was still upset and flustered. I don't like being spoken to like I'm a child, nor do I appreciate obtuse speech. I prefer if people in the workplace kept it short, sweet and to the point; I'm much more effective when I work that way. As I worked through the project, I was getting more and more irritated - after all, I wasn't his assistant and this really wasn't part of my job description, AND I was treated in a way which made me feel uncomfortable (though in retrospect, I probably overreacted a tad). BUT, I reasoned with myself, I didn't have anything else to work on, I did ask if he needed any help and it was nice that my research was actually going to be utilized. As I worked I became a little less frazzled because I was clear about what I was working on, and after I finished the project I felt great about what I had accomplished.

I was still slightly irritated about the whole way the situation was handled but I had almost forgotten about it when I got an e-mail from my co-worker. In the e-mail, he thanked me for my hard work and said I did a great job. It was the first time I had been thanked for a project in quite some time and I was literally beaming from those few words. I was happily continuing work on another project when I received another e-mail from co-worker. This time I was just carbon-copied on the message; he had sent an e-mail to my boss explaining the work I had done for him, how much he appreciated my efforts and what a great job I did. Well, that changed my whole mentality for the day! Thanking me was fantastic enough, but to point out my efforts to my boss made me proud!

And I'm still glowing with pride these few days later. To think - that e-mail took my co-worker all of two minutes to write. Those two minutes and those few words completely changed my mood for the day and has truly effected my work: I'm more excited to work on projects and am more open to completing extra work for this co-worker.

Amazing what a few words of appreciation will do!

NOT a fan of Neutrogena.com!

2009-09-10T16:37:00.001-04:00

Here's what happened:

About two months ago, I started getting e-mail newsletters from Neutrogena.com to my old Gmail account which is linked to my current Gmail account, so I was able to access the e-mails. I never signed up for Neutrogena.com; I don't use their products, so their web site holds no interest for me. However, it is possible they may have purchased my e-mail address or I allowed affiliate marketing to me based on my subscription to another company's newsletter. This being the case, I figured I could simply unsubscribe from the newsletter.

There IS an unsubscribe link in the newsletter, which I promptly clicked. I was redirected to the Neutrogena web site with the instructions to log into my account to unsubscribe. This is when I start to get annoyed. Anyone who knows ANYTHING about e-mail marketing KNOWS that when someone clicks the "unsubscribe" button/link, they want to be unsubscribed IMMEDIATELY. Apparently, this was not the case.

As I stated earlier, I never signed up on Neutrogena.com, so I had no way to log into my account. Normally I would have given up at this point and just continued to delete the newsletters and advertisements; however, the e-mails were becoming more and more frequent. So I clicked the "Forgot Password" link and had a password reset e-mail sent to my old Gmail account. I logged in and accessed my account. I noticed that the birthday entered in the profile is not correct (and not even close to my birthday, which happens sometimes when I type to quickly or scroll too far in a drop-down menu), but my name and e-mail address were appearing. I was NOT happy but I was thrilled to see an option to "Delete my account".

I clicked. A pop up appeared to confirm my deletion. I confirm. NOTHING HAPPENS. Click, click, click, yes, yes, yes, confirm, confirm, confirm. NOTHING. I will point out; however, that the "No, cancel" button worked just fine, thank you.

I'm getting really irritated at this point and want this issue resolved immediately. I click the "Contact Us" link and was about to fill out the online form. I get REALLY mad at this point. You can't submit the form without providing MORE information to the company (i.e. address, phone number, etc.). Well I never signed up for the damn site to begin with, so I'm sure as hell not giving them any more information. Thankfully, there is a phone number for Customer Service, so I call them.

I'm informed THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING. Neutrogena doesn't manage the web site. They can't unsubscribe me nor can they delete my account. They suggest I try again in a week to see if the "delete account" feature is fixed.

Now, I know people who have worked in Customer Service and I know how frustrating it can be when your hands are tied. So I let this one go. I waited a week. I tried everything again, to no avail. And I get yet ANOTHER e-mail from the company. I called Customer Service back. This time, the representative informs me that the supervisor can delete my account but it will take 6 to 8 weeks to process. Can you imagine my frustration at this point? I work in IT. I know how easy it is to inactivate an account on a web site. And it does NOT take 6 to 8 weeks. But again, I let it go. It's not the representative's job to fix the web site.

But I'm impatient. So I check the site every week and FINALLY, the delete my account feature is working. I delete. I confirm. I confirm I am deleted. YAY! My e-mail address no longer appears in their records. This was about two weeks ago. I hadn't thought of them since. Until today. When I get ANOTHER e-mail from them. I can't unsubscribe. I can't delete. I don't have an account anymore. So WHY am I STILL getting marketing e-mails from them???

I've had it with Neutrogena and my experience with their site (which is seriously hard to navigate if you're looking for help, by the way) and their Customer Service team. I am going to contact them again and hopefully they will be able to resolve this situation. If they cannot, I am going to report them to the Better Business Bureau. Absolutely ridiculous!

Sometimes the most powerful words are your own

2009-08-29T12:40:00.002-04:00

I've been working on my communication skills lately: being a better listener, asking more questions, only speaking when I actually have something to say instead of talking for the sake of talking and being more present in the conversations I'm having.

Recently I've found I have been speaking without actually thinking about what I saying and the realization terrified me. Granted, it was usually just a chit-chat type of conversation but I was horrified - what if I were to speak in front of a group of people? Would I act the same way; speak before thinking? ::shudder::

I love public speaking and when I actually sit down and THINK about what message I want to say, the outcome has been pretty fantastic for me. I was browsing through some of my old documents and I came across a speech I had given when I graduated college and I'm amazed at the wisdom I had then, and the power of the words I spoke. I wanted to put those words back out into the universe in the hopes they would affect others as they did me. I could read all the most influential books in the world, talk to the most amazing people, but sometimes, the most powerful words are the words I speak:

For the past five years a member of the senior class has been asked to offer a prayer for their classmates during Baccalaureate. This year I have the honor of offering that prayer for the Class of 2006. I have chosen to create an original prayer for this occasion. For those who are comfortable, please bow your heads and join me.

Lord, as we enter this next phase in our lives, we ask you for your help. Provide us with the wisdom to make the right choices and be merciful when we choose the wrong paths. Give us the courage to face the unknown and the strength to overcome the hardships we must endure. As we leave college and make our way into the world, help us to be mindful that the kindness of strangers is as wonderful as the love of our family and friends. Let us not forget that we must occasionally drink from the cup of sorrow in order to truly taste the fruits of happiness. Help us to remember that even in our darkest times, we can turn to you. Open our minds, hearts and spirits so that we may be always loving, learning and thankful. Watch over us as we leave college and start the rest of our lives. We ask you for your blessing as we cross this threshold. Even though we may not always understand where we are going, with you in our hearts, it will always be in the right direction. Amen.

I'm trying to ask the right questions

2009-07-20T09:32:00.004-04:00

Sometimes you just need to ask the right questions...

I came across this post via my subscription to Brazen Careerist and it really hit home for me. I've been so busy trying to come up with the "right" answers to all my concerns lately that I didn't stop to think that MAYBE I was asking the wrong questions. So to try to readjust my way of thinking, here are my answers to Marc and Angel's questions:

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
I feel like I'm perpetually stuck at the age of 18...on the verge of being grownup but still young enough to get away with not knowing what to do with my life.
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Definitely never trying. You can always learn something when you fail, but if you never try you're never giving yourself the chance to succeed!
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I believe people feel like there's so much they HAVE to do and they spend all their time doing those things instead of the things they WANT to do. I know I'm guilty of this! I have a hard time saying "no" and feel like my obligations are spread around to so many people. I honestly feel guilty taking time to spend on me and what I love. Unfortunately, that idea is perpetuated by society's idea of selfishness. People need to realize it's okay to spend time doing what you love.
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
At this point in my life, yes. Sad to say, but it's true. I'm working on doing though!
What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
I'd love to promote the idea of acceptance. You don't have to love everyone in this world; hell, you don't even have to LIKE them. But you SHOULD accept that they are the way they are and it's cool.
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Reading. And talking to people. And getting massages.
Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
Oh I am most definitely settling right now. I haven't quite figured out how to apply my talents to what I believe in. I don't think this makes me a bad person necessarily, just someone who admits they have no idea what to do with their life (not that rare for a twenty-something).
If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I'd spend a lot less time working and a lot more time with family and friends. I'm working on cultivating the important relationships in my life because you never know how long these people will be around.
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
Hmmm, good question. I'd say I gained a good chunk of control when I chose the college I wanted and the degree I felt would be best for me. Getting sick was obviously not in my grand plan but I think the way I handled it gave me a bit more control. I'm consciously making an effort to make choices in my life instead of letting someone else make the decisions for me.
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing things right. I know that's probably not the best answer to give, but it's honest. I'm still learning a lot about work, love, life and balance. I'm guided by my faith and my moral compass and I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right things...whether or not I'm doing them right is a completely different story.
You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Ugh, I'd hate to admit it, but I'd probably get sucked in. Gossip is definitely a weakness of mine. I would definitely listen but I would interject good points about my friend and defend them.
If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
God gave us two ears and one mouth - listen twice as much as you speak.
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
I think the better question is what law WOULDN'T I break. I'd sacrifice my own life for the people I love, so I guess breaking the law wouldn't be unreasonable.
Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
No. At least not in person. I rarely consider people actually insane. Weird, yes. Off-putting, maybe. But insane? Nope.
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Eating. I don't like to have things touch on my plate (unless it's supposed to, like a stir fry). And I eat in order: finish the item I started, then move onto the next one.
How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because no one in this world is exactly like me. We are all unique and different things cause happiness for different people. I'm sure there are people out there who would be happy with some of what makes me happy, but surely not every exact thing.
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Finish my book and get it published. I'm terrified of it being rejected - it's a very raw look at a difficult part of my life and I can't bring myself to finish it yet.
Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
Yes, but I'm working on letting it go. Holding on to a grudge just makes you tired.
If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Haha, well I'm working on moving back to PA so I can be closer to family. But if I had to up and move across the country again, I guess going back to Utah wouldn't be so bad. Mark and I were quite happy there.
Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Yes, if the door doesn't close (if we're talking about the button inside the elevator) or if the button doesn't light up (if we're talking about the button outside the elevator). But no, it doesn't make the elevator go faster, no matter how much we want it to.
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Worried genius. Weird, I know. But I'd pick knowledge over complete ignorance. Once you stop learning, you stop growing.
Why are you, you?
I truly believe people are shaped by their experiences, good or bad. I'm "me" because of my family, my friends, my experiences, my feelings and my beliefs. But it's important to remember that "I" am always changing and I'm not the same "me" as I was 10 years ago, 10 months ago, 10 days ago or even 10 seconds ago.
Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Again, I'm ashamed to say it but I want to be honest and I will say no. I'm not proud of some of my actions in the past and I'm well aware that I was a selfish, horrible, callous person at times. The friends who stuck by me are absolute saints! I had a lot of learning to do and a lot of anger and pain to deal with, but I came to terms with a lot of that while I was in college. Thankfully, I'm a better person for it and value my friends even more because they loved me even when I was a terrible person. I hope I'm as a good a friend now as they were then (and still are)!
Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you, definitely! I was the good friend who moved away and if you're truly good friends with the person, the distance doesn't make a difference. You put in the effort to maintain the friendship and when you see them again, you pick up right where you left off. When a good friend lives close to you, you take the relationship for granted and if you don't work on cultivating it, you may lose that particular friendship.
What are you most grateful for?
The love of my family and friends. If I didn't have that love and support, life would be a lot harder and I would have a hard time being grateful for anything.
Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
Either way, it's a terrible situation. If I lost all my old memories, I would never be able to
Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
I don't think it's possible to "know" the truth at all because truth is relative. Your truth is just as true as my truth. Reality is a tricky, tricky thing.
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes, I have lost people I care deeply for, and it's the hardest thing in the world.
Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Yes!! I know most of the time people will say "no" to this question, but it just so happens that 5 years ago I got really, scarily sick. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong and I had all of these horrible reactions to the treatments...I was a mess. And rightly so. It still matters to me because I have to live with this issue daily - auto-immune diseases are no fun!
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
I have a hard time remembering much from my childhood to be honest. A lot of it is pretty fuzzy, though bits and pieces crystallize for me. For example - winning second place in the egg toss contest at the annual 4th of July parade in my hometown, partnered with Erik (neighbor and best bud at the time); learning the words to "Unforgettable" in the front seat of our station wagon with my Dad; "ice skating" on the frozen water in our pool; squishing the ingredients together when my Mom made meatloaf or meatballs; Koosh tournaments under the streetlight on my cul-de-sac; bike rides with my bests; etc. (Side note - remembering all of those was slightly bittersweet, but I'm definitely more happy after recalling them.)I think they're special because they involved time with my family and my friends. And sometimes the free things in life are the best things :)
At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Last Sunday. My day was spent: at church in the morning, hiking in a state park with my husband, reading, lounging around the apartment, dinner and good conversation with my husband. It was a glorious day.
If not now, then when?
Depends on what you want to accomplish. Certain things have a time table; but I think the point of this question is to motivate you to make a change. If you've been wanting to make a change in your life - NOW is the time to do it! (Now I just need to listen to my own advice...)
If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I'm torn on this one. I'm worried about losing a paycheck, a roof over my head and food on the table. In reality, this will probably not happen, but the fear is still there and quite palpable.
Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Well I would never call it a "conversation"; however, I have been with someone and not spoken a word and considered it a great way to spend my time.
Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because people lose the true meaning of religion. It's a very sad thing, but there it is. We all forget what the roots of our religion are grounded in and instead dilute ourselves to thinking the teachings of our religion mean something completely different.
Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
I don't think so, but I do believe it's possible to have a pretty good idea.
If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Hmmm I'm not sure. Something I would discuss with my husband. I don't know if I'd quit just yet - I'm in a temp position - but I would certainly consider when I could take some time off. I'd buy a house.
Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I enjoy, because when you enjoy something you don't consider it "work".
Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Most days I do, unfortunately; but I'm trying to keep an open outlook and find something new and exciting in each day.
When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
This invokes a very interesting visual idea but is leaving me scratching my head. I'm assuming this question is equating darkness with uncertainty and the possibilty of fighting for something you believe in; but I can't be certain. Thankfully (at least in my mind it's something to be thankful for) I've never entered a situation of strong uncertainty with only an idea of what I believe in; I will always have the love and support of my friends and family.

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
I would start with my inner circle of family and close friends. Hopefully I would be able to see them all. If I still had time, I would spend the rest of the day with my husband alone.

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No way; I have no way of knowing what those 10 years would have in store for me. I could become famous then!

What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
All that is required to be alive is a heart beat and a breath in your lungs. To truly live, you need to EXPERIENCE.

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
I haven't figured this out yet (which would explain why I've been looking for a house for almost a year and a half and haven't bought anything yet). But I'm hoping an epiphany will hit me soon.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
People are afraid of being judged; an unfortunate result of the idea that failure is a bad thing.

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would be more selfish: spend more time on the things I love, work on getting to know me and just being with me instead of giving myself and my time to everyone else.

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Just now to be honest (only because the question mentioned it). Before that it was yesterday in the car - I had the radio off, windows down and it was just quiet.

What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love interacting with family and friends, good food, good discussions and feeling at peace. Recently I've been making more of an effort to be more present when I'm with family and friends and I think this makes my love for them more apparent. Good food is had every day; I'm blessed in that situation. Good discussions take effort and require withholding judgement, things I've been slacking on lately, so recently I haven't truly expressed how much I love them. I'm more at peace with myself now than ever before but I still have a long way to go.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Well I will remember I was at work, but I probably will not recall the actual activities I performed there. I may recall the 7-mile bike ride my husband and I took yesterday, but it's probably that 5 years will dull the memory. Nothing I did in the past few days was earth-shattering or even life-altering, so I doubt I'll remember it in a few years.

Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
There are a lot of decisions going on in my life right now and none of them are being made by myself alone. That may shock some people, but I believe any decision which results in actions or events that affects another person or people should be made jointly. After all, would you want someone to make a decision that affected your life without your input?

When did theatre become theater?

2009-02-11T16:19:00.003-05:00

Wow. I just did a search on Google for "theatre vs. theater" and it came up with a slew of results: Laura's grammatical interpretation, Ashley's researched opinion, Matthew's unofficial poll and so on.

Even as I write this, Firefox is telling me that I'm incorrect in referring to it as "theatre" (obviously Firefox is working off of an American dictionary) and after reading some of the previous articles, I must say I confused myself.

I always understood that "theatre" was related to musicals and plays while "theater" referred to the movies. Apparently, the technical definition is that "theatre" refers to the art form (the acting itself) while "theater" is where you can view the art form (such as a playhouse). Oh well; I've never been one for technicalities (unless they work in my favor that is).

So we'll assume that my original definition (and the one that is shared by a good majority of others) is correct and that "theatre" is the higher form of art.

I went to the theatre this past Sunday to see the evening showing of RENT. (NOTE - if you haven't seen it yet, please do so immediately. It is a musical worth seeing. Thank you Jonathan Larson.) Three of my sisters came along with me and even before we left I was already irritated.

We were going to the THEATRE. This higher level of entertainment demands that you dress accordingly, although you can retain some quirkiness of style that wouldn't fly in a more formal arena. For instance, one sister of mine was wearing a black pencil skirt and a white blouse. The skirt has a leopard print lining and she wore giraffe-print shoes. I work a basic black dress with diamond jewelry. I also wore hot pink stockings. One of my sisters claimed she was going to wear jeans. JEANS. To the THEATRE. I was aghast! Jeans??? How could you? This isn't the matinee; we were seeing the evening show on closing night. Thankfully I won the argument and she wore a cute red dress with black slingbacks instead.

My irritation temporarily assuaged, we left for the show. Annoyance gradually building again as we cannot find the building - to be fair, the entire front was under construction so you couldn't see the signs. When we finally arrive at the line to get in, annoyance is giving way to blatant irritation at the general public. I'm no fashion snob in general, but people were wearing SWEATS to the show. The cheapest tickets here were just over $40; couldn't you wear slacks instead? This is not the movies, people!

Dealing with crowds is definitely not my thing, so I was thrilled when we finally got to our seats and were getting prepped for the show. Thoughtfully, I turn the ringer off on my cell phone and make sure my sisters do the same. I even reminded the text-aholic sister to leave the cell in her pocket until intermission. Minor irritation that the place ran out of playbills, but I knew what we were in for - I've seen the show before.

Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal enter the stage. Loud cheers and whoops and claps. All to be expected - these are the two actors who played the main characters originally. I'll admit that I gave way and may have possibly girly-screamed for a minute or two.

The show begins. I'm ready; on the edge of my seat and enthralled. Until I hear singing. Now, RENT is a musical, so you would expect singing, right? Right. Just not from BEHIND you. Three women behind us were singing along. Badly. Please ladies, I paid tickets to hear the professionals; not your off-key warbles. I swallowed my bitter remarks and instead focused on the show. I was even able to ignore the bad singing and loud whispers behind me. Until intermission that is when one of my sisters blatantly accused ME of singing along. I'll admit, I was mouthing the words (I know every line of the play) but I was NOT singing aloud. Thankfully, my sister made this comment loud enough for the people behind us to hear. I kept my fingers crossed that they would get the hint.

They didn't. And the further I tried to get away from the obnoxious singing, the more I had to lean forward in my seat. The more forward I leaned, the closer I got to the people in the row below/in front of us. Where one of the teenage girls was TEXTING. The WHOLE freaking time! Thankfully she had the smarts to at least turn off the sounds, but that glow lit up the whole area. We were in a darkened theater and we're nowhere near the stage, so light is hard to come by. But thanks to Miss Texty in the row in front of us, I had no trouble with seeing everything. Except the stage. If you're going to spend the money on the ticket, shouldn't you be watching the show? What could possibly have been so important that you needed to text immediately but wasn't so important that you had to leave your seat to take a call outside?

Honestly, I felt like I was in a movie theater. I thought the audience that took in plays and musicals was a little more upscale than the average movie-goer. I thought we all agreed on the general courtesies and rules to adhere by. Sadly I was mistaken. The higher-class aura surrounding theatre has been tarnished for me and I don't know if it will ever be the same.

The cost of being open in your blog (aka Google can find you)

2009-01-29T14:51:00.002-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while - I've been avoiding. I don't have that much going on in my life right now and the stuff that IS going on is nothing I really want to reflect on at the moment.

That said, I've also been afraid of what people would think about my posts. I know I shouldn't. I should be above caring what others think of me. But I'm not. I blame the emotional scars from middle and high school that get ripped open every time someone judges me based on what they've "heard or read about me."

But I control this blog, right? I control what's written here. And it's all in black and white and since I wrote it, surely nothing could come back and bite me in the ass or cause that familiar sick-to-my-stomach feeling when someone makes a snap judgment about me based on something they heard about. You would think that would be the case.

Turns out, I was wrong. And Google proved it. I'm currently looking for a job. This is no secret to my friends, family or anyone who can access my LinkedIn profile. I've been reading these blogs that tell you how you should control your personal branding and how you are portrayed online. After all, potential employers need only click their mouse button to do a search of all the lovely little breadcrumbs you've been leaving through your online activities. Well, I wanted to know what an employer would find if they did a search for me online.

And I was devastated.

I was completely unprepared.

How could people who didn't know me, had never met me or even spoken to me...how could they find me? How could they judge me? How could they broadcast their judgments for the whole world to see? How could they use MY NAME???

I thought I was doing the right thing here: not using a fake name on my blog, posting my honest thoughts and opinions, being open about what was going on in my life...all in the hopes of creating an online persona that I was proud of. And I was more than happy to have my blog public - after all, I want potentials employers to see that I am capable of creating an online presence.

But there is a downfall to being so open and so accessible: eventually the wrong people will find you and you will suffer the consequences. I did a Google search on my name and found that there were people copying and pasting pieces of my blog out of context and twisting my words. These same people are visiting my LinkedIn profile and making judgments about my work experience. All of these horribly negative opinions are attached to MY NAME now. And unfortunately there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it.

I want to be accessible online; how else am I supposed to show that I'm participating in social media along with the rest of my generation? But how do I maintain an online presence that doesn't damage my reputation? How can I put any more breadcrumbs online without running the risk of being eaten alive? Will this negativity cost me potential jobs? Does this seem fair to anyone at all? I'm all for free speech but it's ridiculously frustrating when someone is spouting all of this hate about you and you have no way of defending yourself. And now I'm seriously worried about how my online presence will be affected in the future.

Is the book really always better?

2008-12-22T21:33:00.004-05:00

After reviewing the list of books I've read this year - I'm on a mission to read 100 by the end of 2008; a goal that seemed good at the time but now seems like a pipe dream - as well as looking through some other people's lists of novels consumed; I'm surprised to note how many of the books have become movies or TV series. I guess the entertainment industry draws inspiration from all forms of media, with books becoming movies and movies becoming video games and video games becoming action figures and the list goes on, so I really shouldn't be that surprised. But I think taking a novel, or even a short story - remember Brokeback Mountain, the movie and the story - and making it into a feature length film is a daunting task that almost always leads to viewer disappointment (providing they read the book to begin with).

I know there are many who share my theory, Paralinguistic has an excellent starter list of books that were better than the movie and Bookworm mentions recent box office disappointments, but it seems these complaints fall on deaf ears to those that matter in the movie world. What's worse, in my opinion, is that the younger generations (I'm only 24 and I'm feeling old) seem to agree that movies are the better entertainment because they can't be bothered to sit down and read an entire book.

However, I would like to point out that there are RARE instances in which I feel the movie is better than the novel (these are FEW and far between) or when it is at least comparable. Two that come to mind off the top of my head are: Pride and Prejudice, the BBC version (which was actually a mini-series)...the newest version was pure agony for true Austen lovers, and The Joy Luck Club (those women captured the essence of the turmoil the characters embodied...did you see the scene when the baby is drowned??? Heart-wrenching!). Any others that you can think of?

Awakening my Curiosita

2008-12-19T10:23:00.003-05:00

One of my husband's heroes is Leonardo da Vinci. He admires his genius, his creativity, his success...everything about his life. Some years back, someone bought him How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci: Seven Steps to Genius Every Day and he, the non-reader, devoured it. He immediately recommended it to me as something I should read, but I shied away. This was NOT my type of book (my tastes are varied - easy-read chick lit to the classics - but somehow I could not summon the desire to read something that had "steps" in it) but as I started to begin reading self-help and self-improvement books recently - they're not ALL bad and they don't make you feel bad about yourself (a prior misconception on my part); well except Skinny Bitch, that book made me feel awful about myself - I figured I'd give it a go.

Michael J. Gelb's introduction and writing style immediately put me at ease and got me excited to read the book. I've just finished Chapter 1 in Part 2 and at the end of the chapter, Gelb offers some exercises to help make the chapter's lesson stick. Chapter 1 was about "Curiosita" which Gelb defines as "an insatiably curious approach to life and unrelenting quest for continuous learning." The exercise that Gelb suggests that stuck out the most to me was to sit down and write 100 questions about ANYTHING so long as you did it in one sitting. He writes, "Why a hundred questions? The first twenty or so will be 'off the top of your head.' In the next thirty of forty themes often begin to emerge. And, in the latter part of the second half of the list you are likely to discover unexpected but profound material."

Well I'm up for the challenge! My 100 questions:

How can I make money doing what I love?
What activities ignite passion within me?
What is the secret to happiness?
How can I be the best friend, best wife, best family memeber, best person I know?
What is my purpose in life?
What can I do to make life better for someone else?
Why do I feel like there's something missing from my life and what can I do about it?
When will I be ready to have a baby?
Where should I buy a house?
How can I get a new job or at least a new income?
Why is my computer so slow sometimes?
What is it exactly that my husband does for a living? (For the record, I know his title and what projects he is assigned to; I just don't understand them.)
Why do I like the rain but not the clouds?
How can I adopt an attitude of gratitude?
How can I better maintain contact with my friends?
What can I do to create a better network for myself?
Why am I so scared to try writing a book?
Where am I going to be in 5, 10, 20 years?
How can I cut down on wasted time during my day?
What can I do to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle?
What can I do to improve my focus?
Why do I find myself embellishing certain things when talking to various people?
Why do I care what other people think?
How can I improve my self-confidence?
How can I make myself more comfortable with marketing myself?
How can I get the courage to take that first step?
What can I do to make sure my marriage is for a lifetime?
Am I doing the right things in my life?
Why am I so uncomfortable discussing religion?
How can I keep my temper in check?
How can I maintain an open mind all the time?
What can I do to make life better for someone else?
How will I be remembered when I die?
How can I best utilize my talents to make a lasting impact?
Why do I hold onto grudges?
How can I let grudges go?
How will I get the answers to the questions I'm asking?
How do I know I'm asking the right questions?
Which is more helpful: prayer, meditation or something all together different?
How can I look my best?
What do I need to do to make the best first impression possible?
Why is it so difficult for me to pin down ONE thing I want to do with my life?
How can I trip the status quo?
Why am I so afraid of change and trying new things?
How can I make myself more comfortable in large crowds or just small groups of people I don't know?
How can I improve my communication with others?
What can I do to make my marriage the most loving and most fulfilling?
Is there fate/destiny or do we make our own futures?
Are the mistakes of my past really mistakes or were they actually the right decisions to make?
How I can better know myself?
Why am I scared to ask questions when I don't know something?
Can I really regain the curiousity I had as a child?
Will I make a good mother?
Why don't my husband and I see eye to eye on certain topics?
How can I make myself feel less of an outsider in my group of friends?
Why do I prefer staying in to going out now? I was different a few years ago.
What window has God opened for me now that he closed a door?
How do I figure out the reason for my existence?
How can I maintain a positive outlook on life?
What is it that I want to learn?
What will I do with the knowledge I have?
What SHOULD I do with the knowledge I have and gain?
What is perfect?
What is normal?
Can I ever be perfect or normal?
How can I challenge myself each day?
What is the secret to success in life and love?
How can I find a job/career that I'm truly happy with?
Will I ever be satisifed with what I have?
Am I ready for change?
What can I do to improve my quality of life?
How can I improve the quality of life for others around me?
Should I follow my emotions or my head?
Why is it so hard for me to keep my emotions in check?
How can I incorporate activities that excite me into my everyday life?
How well do I really know me?
How can I know myself better?
Does one person really make a difference?
Can I be that one person?
How can I make sure that I'm respected by others?
Why do I care so much about what others think?
How can I stop caring about what others think?
Why am I having such a hard time focusing on one task and feel like I constantly need to be doing something different?
Am I setting the best example for those who look up to me?
Does introspection really make a difference?
How can I be at peace with myself and who I am?
How can I best convey the love I feel for others?
What can I do each day to help improve myself?
How can I stop trying to please others and learn to please myself?
Why do I avoid deep conversations with people I think will judge me?
How can I feel more loving toward my in-laws?
How can I be less judgemental of others?
Where can I make the most improvement in my life?
Am I happy?
What is the difference between happiness and content?
Will going back to school really make me feel better about my professional life?
Why do the minutes and hours go by so slowly but the days, weeks and years fly by?
Who are my role models and mentors?
How can I be a better person?
How can I make love the most important thing in my life?

I know pass the challenge along to anyone else who reads this...good luck and I hope you find some insight as you strengthen your curiosita!

I'm ready to change my life...

2008-12-12T21:38:00.002-05:00

November and December have been interesting months for me. In November I turned 24, officially married the love of my life, took my first international trip with aforementioned love of my life and survived my first married holiday (Thanksgiving). In December I started working on getting a new last name, setting up my first married apartment with our first married Christmas tree and decorations....oh....and I lost my job. I was told "I'm not going to sugar-coat this; we're laying people off and you're laid off." A lot of stuff going on in the span of two short months - and December's not even over yet!!

Well since I already had all this other stuff going on, I figured why not throw something else in the mix? Why NOT start that blog I had been meaning to start since forever ago. There's no time like the present - so let's get it started. One of the blogs that jump started my desire to really start blogging again (and I truly mean "blogging" now...not that tweeny into college whining stuff I had on LJ some years back) was from Michael Moniz and it really got my brain moving. I've been contemplating this for a while and I think I'm ready to answer his 30 questions. These questions are extremely personal and I'm not used to opening myself so easily and with the chance of complete strangers reading and judging...I guess this is my first step into changing my life.

What are ten reasons someone would be happy to be in a relationship with me?
Honestly, I think my husband would be the best person to answer this question, but since this is about my personal journey and what I think, I guess I'll give it a shot. I'm supportive, honest, fiercely loyal, loving, giving, willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work, I'm terrified of plateauing so I'm always trying to change things up, I respect another person's thoughts and/or feelings even if I don't necessarily agree with them, I'm an unselfish lover and I never keep score.
Who are five people I admire for their ability to share love?
Jesus has to be up there, my Mom, small children (in general...they're always so open), Chantay and grandmothers (in general...they're never short on giving out the love).
What’s holding me back from opening my heart?
After being burned before, it's hard to have the trust to open yourself up and make yourself vulnerable to being hurt again.
What are ten qualities I really value in my closest relationships?
Honesty, trust, respect, loyalty, sincerity, loving, supportive, open-mindedness, longevity and fun.
Am I willing to take risks and create more connections with others? If not, why not?
If I'm being honest with myself, not really. I'd like to think I'm a risk-taker and maybe back in college I was. Now I feel like to be a responsible adult, I need to play things safe.
What do I need to change or develop in myself to achieve the success I desire?
Going back to school or at least taking classes to expand my knowledge in my field would certainly help; so would more work experience. Meeting new people and experiencing new things would be helpful as well because they would broaden who I was as a person.
What are my five greatest strengths at work?
I complete assignments on-time or early, I'm thorough, I'm a team-player, I can manage effectively as well as accept management/direction at the same time and I'm willing to help anyone/any project for the benefit of the group.
Who are two people I truly admire in business and why?
Candace because she took a personal tragedy and changed it into a world-wide symbol of hope. Glen because his creativity is mind-boggling and the fact that he translated it into an income is something I aspire to.
What would I do differently at work if I knew I couldn’t fail or be criticized?
Considering I don't currently "work" I'd have to say what I would do at my previous job. I would tell people EXACTLY what I thought about a project or idea. Unfortunately I worked in an environment that even if you disagreed with the idea you had to go along with it and complete the work related to it if it was the higher-ups decision to move forward.
What are ten things I really like to do?
Read, journal, listen to people, listen to music, sing, play the piano, play silly made-up games with little kids, watch movies/TV, dance and snuggle with my husband. (These are in no particular order)
What are five activities I used to enjoy doing as a child that I wish I did today?
Going to tap and ballet dance class, going on bike rides, making up stories and acting them out, take piano lessons and arts and crafts.
How can I bring these childhood pleasures into my life today?
I've already started by taking adult dance classes - score one for me! I don't even own a bike anymore, but I can definitely start taking walks outside...I think I miss just being on my own in nature. Making up and acting out stories seems a little childish to me, but maybe that's exactly what I need to do the next time I'm with my four-year-old sisters. I'd love to start taking piano lessons again...as soon as I get a piano! Arts and crafts are things I think I'll be awful at, but I guess I'll never know until I try!
Who are five playful partners or potential partners in my life today?
Emma, Abby, Christopher, Olivia and Laci. These are all children under the age of 5.
What playful activities am I willing to initiate in the next week?
I definitely got into a tickle fight tonight with Emma and Abby. Maybe I should try that with Mark.
Who are my most treasured friends and why?
My Mom is up there because I think it's a milestone in any woman's life when she realizes that her Mom can be her friend. Plus she gives great advice and free food. My bests (Sammie) because she has been through everything with me since first grade. Mallory because we're finally passed the squabbling sisters phase and have moved onto the friendly phase. Laura because we lived opposite lives and we know that we can talk to each other about ANYTHING. My Ridley girls as a whole because they've always been my Ridley girls; I wouldn't be who I am without them.
When do I feel most connected with others? When do I feel most disconnected?
I feel most connected when I'm talking to someone. Preferably in a quietish area. I feel most disconnected when I'm in a group of people and I'm not a part of the conversation even thought I'm there.
When I distance others what are the fears, resentments or other reasons behind this?
I tend to distance others when I need time to figure out how I feel about something. Or when I suspect that they're not exactly who I thought they were. Or when I'm no longer who they thought I was.
What do I need to change about myself to have more fulfilling friendships?
Ahhhh communication. I really need to work on maintaining communication. And not being resentful if people don't return my calls/e-mails/texts/etc. - they have lives too.
What can I do this week to create more meaningful connections with others?
I can call instead of e-mail. I really need to do that more. I feel more connected when I hear someone's voice.
At what times in my life have I felt most passionate or alive?
When I'm performing. When I'm in my husband's arms. When I've accomplished something I've been working hard on.
What activities or personal experiences feel most meaningful to me?
Spending time with friends and family. It doesn't matter what we're doing; it's the fact that we're together because we don't know how much time we will have.
Do I want to create a more spiritual connection in my life? What is something I could I do to cultivate this?
I'm actually pretty good with where I am spiritually. I would like to have a more active awareness of my spiritually in my day-to-day life though.
Looking back at my life, what are three problems from my past that have paved the way for positive growth and how did this occur?
The way I dealt with my parents' divorce...major problem at the time but I grew from there. The way I believed I should be treated in a relationship...once I learned that I should be treated well, I evolved leaps and bounds in my relationships. The way I deal with any turmoil...I internalize and then explode. I've learned to internalize to take some time to think before I have a rash reaction.
Choose three current problems in your life today. How can these problems be turned into opportunities for personal growth?
Not having a job is my number-one problem. I think it gives me the opportunity to explore other avenues of interest though. Being further away from family than I'm used to. This gives me an opportunity to become as independent as I was when I lived 2,000 miles away from them. Wanting what I can't have is always a problem for me. I think working to tame my jealously will make me a better person in the long run.
Do I ever create problems to get attention or pay someone back? If so, how?
Oh yes. To get attention. I pick fights when I'm feeling upset so that people will focus on making me feel better. I'm not proud of it, but there it is.
Who are three people I feel handle problems effectively? How are they different from me?
Mark - he lets things roll off him but he always learns the lesson. Small children - they either figure out another way around the problem or forget about it. Dr. Koz - she never saw things as "problems" they were challenges.
What are ten things I feel grateful for in my life right now?
My marriage, my family, my friends, my health, my intelligence, the generosity of others, simple things that bring a smile to my face, campbellsoup.com recipes, good makeup and high heels.
What is standing in the way of spending time each day in moments of gratitude? What do I need to do to change this?
I'm too focused on the negatives going on in my life right now. I can't change the negatives right now but I can change how I look at them.
Which people would I like to thank for their help and support in my journey through life?
Mark, my family, my friends and myself.
What are ten ways I can acknowledge myself along this journey?
Blog, journal, tell friends, tell family, small rewards, pray, meditate...I'm at a loss for others.

Well that was harder than I thought but I think that's good - getting me to stretch who I am and what I think about myself. Thoughts?